Hurricanes: 101

  Hurricane Season is upon us once again. Once again we are bombarded with warnings and advice from the media and the civil authorities. Forecasters issue dire statements about so many named storms, and stir the hysteria usually associated with hurricanes.

  While these good people are well-meaning, and they give very sound advice, they leave out a few preparations that are essential during and after a major storm. As a public service, we at Dunnellon Online would like to add our addenda to the growing list of things to do in preparation for a coming hurricane.

  The first, of course, is beer. It is likely that the stores will be closed for some time, and so we advise stocking up, just in case. You probably already have a generator to run at least one refrigerator, and after clearing brush and debris in the hot sun all day, it's nice to have a cold beer on hand.

  The second thing we would recommend is ammunition. After Hurricane Andrew, we were left totally on our own to defend against looters. Trust me, there will be looters. As for ordinance, I would suggest a 12-gauge pump and perhaps a semi-automatic .22, which can serve double-duty as a small-game hunting weapon.

  Another handy item is a CB radio. When the power lines go down, the phone lines go with them, as well as the cellular towers. A CB will help you keep in touch with the outside world. Just fire it up and say "Breaker-breaker" on channel 9. You will also need a 'handle". Something catchy, like "Snowbird" or "Snake". Just do not use the handle "Bubba". It's taken.

  Also, since the power is out, you will have to be prepared to miss the next few episodes of American Idol. Fear not- you can recreate the show right in your living room (or back yard, if your living room is demolished). Just find three totally inane neighbors (we all have them) to be the "judges", and invite the neighborhood kids over to sing some songs.

  The final essential survival tool is deodorant. Buy plenty of it. With no running water and no air conditioning, you will need it.

  And the rest of us hurricane survivors will thank you for it.